At some point in your life, chances are, you’ve heard at least one of the following cliche phrases:
“You are what you eat.”
“You are what you think.”
“You are who you hang around.”
“You are the sum of your choices.”
A more recent trendy phrase is, “You are what you attract.” This is interchangeably used with “You attract who you are.”
The basis behind this phrase is that the people we attract into our lives, whether it be personal or professional, are attracted and drawn to us based on the characteristics of who we are, or, the ‘energy’ that we put out into the environment.
First let me make a few points. There is a thing called affinity. When two or more people share an affinity, of course they will have a natural inclination to connect. Similar interests, common goals, shared viewpoints…all of these are areas of likeness that will create an organic connection.
In life, you will have moments where the people who are drawn to you have little to no similar interests as you. They may even exhibit behavior that has nothing to do with you. Based on the trend, “You are what you attract”, one would presume that you are the reason certain types of people come into your life.
On one hand, as previously stated, affinity definitely has an impact on the people we connect with. On the other hand, people may be drawn to you based on what they know you have inside.
Are you naturally joyful? Do you exude peace? Do you have a natural inclination to provide solutions to problems? Are you a gifted speaker? Do you see the bright side of everything? Are you organically generous? These are some qualities that are attractive, and also qualities that many strive to connect with.
These types of phrases are not helpful because although on the surface they seem to provide clarity, in reality they secretly add to feelings of guilt and shame over who comes into your life.
At the end of the day, we do not and cannot control another person or their behavior. Nor are we responsible for their actions.
With that being said, be honest with yourself and then trust yourself. If you know you have made bad decisions exercised with poor judgement, own that. Be honest and then make a plan move differently going forward.
If you have been fair with your judgement of character and some people have found their way into your life who have qualities and beliefs that do not align with yours, do not live in that guilt. Their behavior has nothing to do with you. Understand that their place in your life may have been to be exposed to your good qualities, so that they can become better. After all, everyone has had to learn from someone else at some point.
Let this be a reminder to you to shift your way of thinking and not get caught up in trendy phrases that will eventually add to anxiety.
Be well my friends!